I've not blogged in quite a few days, primarily because I've been hoping to craft something intricate, beautiful, and thought-provoking. However, after so many days passing and still lacking an opus, I sit here tonight simply looking to air out my mind. The cobwebs in the corners of my brain that I try to avoid at all costs need a little attention. It has been one of those days that has probed beneath the facade of what I wish I was and has revealed a little more of who I actually am. Not always an encouraging experience. But most certainly a healthy one.
Perhaps illumination occured last night after a great evening spent with an good friend. We discussed many of the things with which I have been wrestling today, touching on topics such as the state of the contemporary church and briefly, but more relevantly, on the state of those filling the pews on Sunday morning. As I sat through services this morning, that conversation came to mind, sparking a very introspective look at who I am as a believer. A stock-taking of what fruit I am producing as a self-proclaimed Christian. Sadly, it did not take long to realize the dismal reality. And while I recognize that no Christian - no matter how seasoned or mature - will lead a spotless life, there are certain foundational principles and behaviors that have no place in a Christ-follower's walk. Yet there sat I in the house of worship, drenched in the unconfessed guilt and wretchedness of my self-righteousness. The realization of one's own depravity, or propensity toward it, is sobering and humbling. To sit in the house of God, to publicly claim the name of Christ while living in unrepentent carnality goes against every fiber of authentic Christianity. Sadly so many times, so many sunday mornings, I would sit and pass judgment on those I knew or suspected were living double lives. And now, I have finally had the blinders removed to see quite clearly that I am among the chiefest of them.
I'm not writing this for shock or to generate some sort of good will. I write this to encourage those that share my beliefs to examine themselves. Christianity is not merely a peripheral activity to fill in the cracks of our lives. Christianity is our lives. Everything else is secondary. I pray that God allows me the strength and the focus to seek growth and authenticity in my walk with him. And also the fortitude to deal with my shortcomings and harbored sins. Why be a Christian and not take it seriously? What could possibly be the point? Straddling the fence is no different than being on the wrong side of it. Christianity has to mean something, it has to be taken seriously. Otherwise it becomes no more than an extra, weekend activity.